JBO PHOTO

Oh Parker.  Dear, sweet, Parker.  There are days when you simply drive me batty.   But, just when I think that you have driven me to the very brink of frustrated insanity – you pull out something so ridiculously innocent and cute that I can’t help but want to plant fat kisses all over those chubby kid cheeks.

If you know the lad, you know he’s a talker.  And an asker.  We have the same roundabout conversations over and over, day after day.  Once he gets going, bless his heart, he just can’t seem to shut down his sweet, stuttering stammer.  Now, I am delighted that he has taken such a precocious interest in football.  He can dazzle strangers with his talk of teams, players, positions, and uniforms.  It is admittedly adorable that he begs to wear his Texans jerseys every stinking day.  I am amazed at his understanding of downs, interceptions, and fumbles.  But at times, a mama can only take so much.  

In the car yesterday, I had just about reached my limit.  I had been repeatedly scolded for (truthfully) answering “I don’t know” to too many of his inane and obscure football questions, and I wasn’t sure if I could take another moment of pig skin musings.  

“Mom, I fink the Cinciati (sic) Bengals are going to play the Timba Bay Bucaneers on Monday Night Football tonight?”

“Today is Wednesday, Parker.”

“No, I fink it’s Monday Night Football.”

“OK, whatever, baby.”

“Is the Cardinals a football team?”

“No, Parker,  they are a baseball team.”

“No Mom, they are a college football team.”

“Oh.  OK Parker, you’re right.”   (I mean, seriously?!? How does he know these things??) 

“Mom, I fink the Cardinals are from the Louisville college.”

“OK, Parker.”

“No, Mom, the Cardinals are a football team.  For college.  Not professional.  They play defense and Rutgers plays offense.”

“OK, Parker.” (blood pressure elevating slightly)

“Does the Cardinals play defense?”

“They play both, Parker.”

“No, Mom, I fink they play just the defense.”

“OK, Parker.”  (breathe Janica breathe Janica breathe…)

“No, Mom -”

“Parker!” (deep breath) “Parker, my ears need a little break for a minute, OK?”

“OK, Mom.”  

-a moment’s pause-

“Mom?”

“Yes?” (through clenched teeth)

“Is heaven a city?”

 

Oh, to be four years old.  It is a big, confusing world out there.   I suppose I should be thankful that football is relatively straightforward by comparison…