Shit got real.
You’re fifteen years old now, Parker, and this year has knocked me a bit off-kilter. I don’t think that I was ever naive enough to believe that we’d be fully immune from typical parent/teenager dynamics…but I will admit that I still feel kind of sucker-punched by how much the world is sweeping you away from me. Know what I think I miss the most? Inflection. I miss the nuanced tones of your sweet voice. No, wait…maybe it’s syllables that I miss more. I think it’s the combo, really? I miss your melodious little voice saying actual sentences made up of multi-syllabic words to me. Yeah…sigh. Those were the days.
Oh, but you know I’m teasing, PBO. I truly do understand the cosmic shift that happens at your age, and I feel so privileged to watch you experience it. Your freshman year of high school. Homecoming. You’ve been cast in the school musical! You will try out for the high school baseball team in just a couple months! Your peers are getting hotter and hormone-ier by the second, and you know what? YOU ARE TOO. I know how awesome it is to hear that from your mother, but by golly, it’s true. I’m also impressed by how laid-back you always are, but I do wish that you could be slightly more phased by certain things. Like that failing Geometry grade you got on your report card. LET THAT PHASE YOU, BABY. “It’s fine, Mom, I get a five-point padding for being pre-AP.” (not fine)
You’re finding your groove. You’re recognizing that you have to make choices, sacrifices, and intentionally prioritize your time, talents, and energy. I know that, despite your cool demeanor, you have a racing internal dialog running through your head at all times…and I have to accept the fact that I’m just not always invited to hear it. I’m finding my groove, too. I’m trying to stay on the right side of that “reminding vs nagging” line, and I’m trying to not be so needy. But Parker, my precious baby boy, I absolutely do need you. You fill me right up, and I will do anything in my power to make you feel loved, supported, valued, and SEEN. I am so proud of you, Parker Day Boles. My greatest wish is to witness you experience the kind of pure joy that I saw on your face that day that I surprised you with a Philly cheese steak sandwich from the mall food court when you were least expecting it. Because man, that was some genuinely beautiful kind of happy, and it sure looked good on you.
I love you,
MOM
