Bailey’s birthday is January 10th. My mom passed away on January 12th, 2019. In my head and in my heart, there will forever be a strong connection between them. Beginnings and endings for the two most precious women in my life. Many of Mom’s possessions and clothing were ruined, but I was so incredibly fortunate to find and salvage two special outfits. These were things that Mom wore in high school…and right now fit my 13-year-old baby girl like a glove. I don’t think I can tell you how special these photos are to me. But I don’t think I even have to. I am so thankful for these memories.
(scroll all the way to the bottom to see the dress modeled by Babs herself in 1969!)
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This was the year, my Bill. This was the year of ENORMOUS change. And I’m not talking about bangs and braces, or embarrassing things like pubes and periods, (though I’m not NOT talking pubes and periods, am I right?!). Bailey Boles, I am talking about an overall seismic shift. You grew up, my girl. And in so many ways, this is exactly what I have been waiting for! Mom+Bailey=BFF! Finally! We can have all the thoughtful conversations. We can share secrets. We can wistfully swoon over hot gay boys. We can belt show tunes and awkwardly fumble through harmonies. We can! And we do! But here’s the harsh truth that I’m having to learn – just because you’re my very best friend…doesn’t mean that I’m yours. Now, I know that sounds sort of emo and dramatic, but it’s true, and it’s exactly what I should expect from a 13-year-old girl who thrives when she’s with her people. I’m a 40-year-old woman who nags you about laundry and feeding dogs. Your social attention should not be reserved for me. I am amazed watching you become completely engrossed with your friends. You have shared interests (SOME VERY WEIRD), mutual struggles, and this bizarre affinity for FaceTime and group texts that I will simply never understand. And Bailey, I don’t doubt your love for me for a second.* You love me out loud and proud, and I am so thankful. However, I do feel our dynamic changing. My instincts want to freak out and try to reel you back in to me, but that’s not fair. I am learning to find satisfaction and fulfillment in the role of observer. I am so proud as I watch you grow up, up, and away from me. You’re doing all the right things. You are making all the appropriate mistakes. You are thriving.
I adore you more and more with each passing day, precious Bailey. You take my breath away.
Mom+Bailey=BFF sometimes and Dynamic Mother/Daugther Duo forever and ever.
*However, I really, really dislike “the smile”. The first time that I saw it, I hoped it was an accident. I hoped that I had just seen it wrong. But then, you gave it to me again. It’s that passive pull-down of the lower lip. The brief teeth-baring/dead eyed lazy combo that I know translates to “hey I love you and all but I’m really not interested in engaging with you because I prefer my friends or this YouTube video but I don’t want you to be grumpy or disappointed with me so I’m going to give you this smile of attempted politeness but I can’t fully commit to the smile because, honestly, my heart is just not in it but I sure hope it appeases the adult that I’m giving it to”. I know this smile, because I CREATED THIS SMILE in 1993, and had basically perfected it by early ’94. (Granbob is nodding enthusiastically. ) Just know that I’m onto you, and don’t be mad when I call you out for your disingenuous attempt to placate me with a facial expression that I invented.
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